Recently, I had the pleasure of interviewing Ms Tara, one of the experienced phone Mistresses at VoxErotic. Ms Tara has been a phone sex fantasy artist for over 5 years. Her blog, Tara’s Thoughts, is a very personal and fun look at the life of a professional phone Mistress.
But, as Ms Tara herself will tell you, she’s no wind up phone sex doll! She a real person with a real life who is not afraid to share it. Her blog contains posts on everything from celebrating her summer birthday, to passing a little sissy slut around, to erotic stories by girlie guest writers.
Though we talked about so many things, my interview with Ms Tara flew by! Her sense of humor and her storytelling abilities were as evident in our chat as they must be to all the lucky men who phone her. I hope you find her as delightful to read as I found her to talk to:
Ms Veronica: Hi Ms Tara… are you ready to start talking about YOU?
Ms Tara: All about me?
Ms Veronica: Yes, dear, all about you!
Ms Tara: Oh, I don’t know where to start!
Ms Veronica: Well, here’s the good part about an interview: you don’t need to worry about that at all! That’s what you have an interviewer for *smile*
Ms Tara: LOL, okay.
Ms Veronica: So… Let’s start right at the beginning: How in the world did you get started in this business?
Ms Tara: In it’s current incarnations? Pure economics, unfortunately. I had lost my roommate, I was already working two jobs and the idea of spending yet more time outside my home was unthinkable. So, knowing that I enjoyed phone sex recreationally, I went to the computer and began researching. I found a lot of places hiring, but only a few that offered the support and friendliness I felt that I would need. I finally went to work for a female owned company with a wonderful woman who taught me a lot, was completely no bullshit, and believed in me. That is where I met Ms Ally, and later when she opened her company, she asked me to come take some calls for her. With the full knowledge of the woman I worked for, I started with LDW. Both of them impressed me with their integrity and their care for the women who worked for them. Because my experiences have been so good, I was suprised to learn that this is not the industry standard, but far above it.
Ms Veronica: Yes, this is a great company! I feel so absolutely lucky to have found this place! Can you talk a bit about your background with femdom and with phone sex in general?
Ms Tara: Well, I’ve been full time, doing only this, for over five years now. My first company was a general service and offered many fantasies, but the majority were vanilla at first. I’d played control games in my personal life, and had fun with it, so when I began to get some D/s calls at that service, I began to apply things from my own experience. Later, when I came to LDW, I realized that Ms Ally was on the cutting edge of niche femdom, and there was a lot I’d never played with. I did some research, and at the time I was writing custom erotica, which also had me researching fetishes I’d never heard of, many of which have returned to me in the forms of phone calls. What surprised me is how much I loved transferring from a general fantasy, so called vanilla site, to a purely femdom site. It took me a while to establish my own personality, though.
Ms Veronica: And how did you do that? establish your own personality within a femdom environment?
Ms Tara: Well, at first, I thought that to earn respect I would have to be very grim and harsh all the time, which isn’t really me. I like men, and I find them very very amusing. And I know that that can be just as humiliating, devastating and sexy to our callers as the harshest, cruelest beating or taunting.
Ms Veronica: Absolutely! And the most dangerous weapon a Domme has is her ability to be genuine… otherwise, something gets lost in the translation, so to speak.
Ms Tara: Exactly.
Ms Veronica: You said it took you some time to establish yourself; find your comfort zone as a Domme. Do you remember the moment when you first knew that you had done that; that men were responding to and respecting that Domme in you?
Ms Tara: I fumbled around a lot at first. The biggest mistake I made was letting the guys who wanted to be denied orgasm come! I lost a lot of callers at first because I didn’t understand that mindset.
Ms Veronica: A bit of a learning curve, yes?
Ms Tara: Yes! But I had a few worshippers right from the start, I have one boy who has been calling me since I started, but I didn’t really trust that to mean I was doing well, except to those guys, of course. So I can’t pinpoint a moment, I just know that things got easier, I began to understand that I enjoyed some calls and fantasies more than others. And I was able to see that no woman is the perfect mistress for every man. And that was a huge relief!! LOL
Ms Veronica: That’s such a huge thing to realize in this business in general. Just as in life – no one person can be everything to everyone.
Ms Tara: Very much, and I had to believe that this was ok. The way that we are encouraged to work together here at LDW, refer callers among ourselves and to get to know each other really helped. If this was a backstabbing bitchy company, I never would have come as far as I have.
Ms Veronica: Exactly – that second situation you talk about fosters competition, but the way LDW is run very much fosters creativity and growth, I think.
Ms Tara: When I started, everyone was always ready to lend me a hand, answer a question or desperate IM, or to reassure me that I wasn’t a huge failure. Ms Ally is a huge motivator, whenever I need a pep talk, she is full of creative ideas for doing better, getting a better outlook, and understanding our business more.
Ms Veronica: I agree. As I said, we are lucky, indeed!
Ms Tara: And I have tried to do the same for other ladies as they come in now, as well. Then, as I got more confident, I began posting in the forums and getting to know the callers more. The creation of the Community Kink chatrooms was a brilliant stroke and I personally have gotten a lot out of them. We have an incredibly diverse group of callers and mistresses…and oh how I love the respect!! LOL, I demand it now, dammit: “Ms Tara is here and you’d better treat me well, because I deserve it!”
Ms Veronica: Yes, you definitely have a big presence in the chat rooms!
Ms Tara: LOL, I worry sometimes that I have too big a presence in there.
Ms Veronica: Well, I for one love it – it’s just big, Dominant energy – maybe that’s a better way to say it. And always FUN.
Ms Tara: When someone calls me or IMs me with a rude greeting, it shocks me, because I’m so used to being treated well. Also, I think we have to give respect as well – it’s not all about being bigheaded. It just takes different forms, sometimes.
Ms Veronica: Give respect? How do you mean? To our callers, to each other..?
Ms Tara: Yes. Some people would think it odd, I guess, but our callers definitely deserve respect. When other people talk to me about doing phone sex, they invariably refer to “those creeps” that call. But our guys are, for the most part, fun creative men who have a need for this outlet in their lives. I hate to have them scorned, as much as I hate it when someone refers to me or the ladies I work with as whores or sluts.
Ms Veronica: Ah, yes, I see what you mean. I feel the same way… in fact, I was actually very surprised by the general nice-guy-ness of the clientel.
Ms Tara: In five years of doing this, I’ve only run across a handful of men I’d rather not speak to again.
Ms Veronica: Those are pretty good statistics!
Ms Tara: Yes. They’re great guys! Many of them are funny, smart fellows who are a pleasure to talk to. And as for us Mistresses, I think we need to respect each other, to be friendly if not friends. And to keep any quarrels away from our callers if we can, because it just confuses them and makes them feel that they have to take sides. That is a no win situation for anyone.
Ms Veronica: I’d like to go back and pick up the thread of how you developed your skills during these last five years. You said that you fumbled around at first, but you’re obviously not fumbling now! So, how did you – personally – get from there to here? In your confidence level, your skill level, etc?
Ms Tara: I listened a lot. That’s the big secret. I listened to what my callers wanted. I shut up, and got my own issues and ideas out of the way for the moment, and tried to understand what they wanted from me
Ms Veronica: Great advice for anyone just starting out.
Ms Tara: Like, not letting orgasm denial guys come, no matter how much they begged, which was my first mistake! LOL
Ms Veronica: LOL
Ms Tara: I’ll tell you my worst mistake when I was starting out; worst thing I’ve ever done on a call. I got a caller who was difficult to understand due to a speech impediment. I misunderstood him and thought he wanted to be humiliated and then I thought he mentioned financial domination. Well, I ripped him a new asshole. I scorched that man up one wall and down the other, I was vicious. And proud of some of the things I’d managed to come out with, because this was not my strong point. He was finally able to articulate that he was looking for a very different kind of call… and I was horrified! I had just ruthlessly abused this man, said horrible things to him, treated him like shit…and he couldn’t get across to me that this wasn’t what he wanted. I apologized over and over, and then I burst into tears out of shame, managed to tell him that I wasn’t charging him but that I had to go, and hung up. Well, afterwards, he ended up emailing me to make sure I was okay and to assure me that there was no harm done, that he knew he was hard to understand.
Ms Veronica: Oh my goodness!
Ms Tara: This was in my first few weeks, and it taught me a huge lesson: To never assume that I know what someone wants, not even if another Mistress tells me that this man is into this or that.
Ms Veronica: And it just goes to show you – we’re all human after all, even us big bad Mistresses! And it also goes back to my comment about being genuine. A caller will respond to what is genuine in you, which will be different that what is genuine in another Mistress.
Ms Tara: Exactly. When I started my blog, I announced that readers were likely to hear all about my housemates, my sisters,my nieces and nephews, my mom and my stupid little car, because these things are a part of me. Men that I talk to a lot, who like to chat as well as do fantasies, are sure to hear bits and pieces about my life because… what else is there to talk about, really? I’m not some phone sex dolly, wind her up and she talks dirty. I’m a real person, and while I protect my privacy, I don’t mind sharing bits of my life with those who are interested.
Ms Veronica: Very well said! And these are the very things that make you so desireable to your callers.
Ms Tara: Yes. It’s a girl thing for me; it’s how I empathize with other people.
Ms Veronica: I would like move on to talking about your erotica writing and your blog if we could.
Ms Tara: Of course.
Ms Veronica: I also write erotica, and I know there is a huge connection between being able to write about sex and being able to talk about it; to turn it into an in-the-moment fantasy. Would you mind talking a bit about how your writing talent informs your phone work?
Ms Tara: I started out writing fanfiction for a few different shows, including a LOT of smutty Star Wars Phantom Menace shorts. I moved on to writing custom erotica for website content, and that was written to order – 1000 words on gay sex… or balloon sex… or whatever…. And what I found was that writing the actual sex part is easy – slot A, tab B, sometimes orifice C. The hard part, the interesting part, was the set up, The story, the reason why people were having sex. Even the worst porn has some kind of set up and I didn’t want to write bad boomchuckachucka porn!
Ms Veronica: LOL – I agree!
Ms Tara: The same thing applies to our calls, in my opinion. Especially with my Sissy School callers, they want the stage set. They want to hear the details, not just the action. I don’t want to just whore out a little slut, I want to put her someplace sexy or frightening or degrading and make it as real as possible! Depending on what she wants of course.
Ms Veronica: I’ve had some conversations with callers lately where the idea of ritual has come up- that a call is like a ritual, and the thing they love most about the ritual, in fact, sometimes the most powerful part, is the set-up as you say – or the setting itself.
Ms Tara: I learned this from reading great authors. Last year, when we went to South Carolina, I came over a bridge and realized that I recognized where we were. I’d never been there, but I’d read wonderful books by a great writer who had loved the Carolina Low Country and he’d described it so well that I knew it instantly.This is why I was so excited when we opened Vox Erotic. As a website, it was geared less toward mainstream fendom and more toward intense and detailed fantasies of all kinds.
Ms Veronica: Yes! Human beings love stories. In fact, I would go so far as to say that we are, ourselves, nothing but stories. And it seems that the very best phone sex operators are not “operators” at all, but expert storytellers.
Ms Tara: Yes! I feel this way too.
Ms Veronica: Intrigue, suspense, what’s going to happen next… these are all equally important, crucial even, in both sex and storytelling.
Ms Tara: I get asked “what is your specialty?” a lot of the time, and I hesistate to answer, because I don’t want to be rejecting the person asking. But roleplay and storytelling IS my where my greatest talents lie.
Ms Veronica: LOL – that was actually my next question, but I was trying to think of a way of wording it that wouldn’t force you to pigeon-hole yourself!
Ms Tara: I’ll be honest and say that I have concentrated more on some aspects of our company than others, and I know there are women who excell at calls that I don’t handle as well. I believe that we are getting large enough to let our ladies diversify a little now.
Ms Veronica: It does seem that that is happening, too – which is wonderful to see.
Ms Tara: As it stands now, I don’t take as many cockcontrol/guided masturbation calls as I used to, even though my call volume is higher than it has ever been, thanks to Ally and her good advice. I get more sissy/femme calls, suck patrol and smaller niche callers, which works out really well for me. There are many of our ladies who are incredible with cock control and guided masturbation. And it’s not that I don’t like those calls or those callers, but I know my own strengths and try to play to them, while always learning more about what I could be doing better.
Ms Tara: Oh I forgot small penis humilation and cuckold calls, I get a lot of those and they are so much fun!!
Ms Veronica: So, speaking of calls you like, rather than asking you about specialties, how about if I ask this instead: describe your favorite phone session – real or imagined?
Ms Tara: I recently did a six hour call, which was mostly lighthearted chat and flirting, a lot of laughter, and some fantasy. That was a GREAT call, the caller was someone I like and enjoy a lot.
Ms Veronica: SIX hours??
Ms Tara: Six hours.. and another three and a half hours with the same guy later that night. That is not a usual call, by any means, but it was a lot of fun! I also recently did a very intense two hour session in which sex was never mentioned. It was emotionally draining, highly detailed, and utterly fascinating. I was wrung out when we finished, but it was amazingly satisfying.
Ms Veronica: You know, hearing you talk about these two instances reminds me of something else I wonder about all the time (and have my own ideas about, of course), which is: what is it that you think callers really want? I mean each on is different in his wants and needs, but as you say here – it’s not always about sex. What are these men looking for, do you think? Especially, given the fact that they are calling a high end, primarly dominant woman phone sex service?
Ms Tara: I think men call our service in particular because we are smart, insightful women. Ally hires very carefully, and the people that last with her are excellent at what we do. It’s sad but for the most part, men don’t have people to talk to the way most women do. A wife or girlfriend is out because of the fantasy aspect, and only a therapist is as accepting and non judgemental as a PSO. We have the benefit of being beautiful sexy women who are willing to listen and be non judgemental, and we charge less than most therapists per hour!
Ms Veronica: Very interesting… I’ve often thought of this work as being something between a therapist and a confidante – and what you say here is similar. And yes, such a bargain!
Ms Tara: LOL Besides, we’re FUN!
Ms Veronica: Especially when we’re throwing around our big auras in the chatrooms – LOL
Ms Tara: The chatrooms have done so much to create a community here at LDW. Sissies and strokers and whomever, they all hang out now, talk to the ladies, recommend and praise us to new callers.
Ms Veronica: Yes, without those chatrooms and they way they’re run, this place would be very different.
Ms Tara: When we did the 2nd annual beauty pageant last year, we noticed that sissies were getting together to talk about it, to offer encouragement and advice to each other. And more Mistresses hanging out in the chatrooms has led to good feeling in there. The hosted chats have been great too.
Ms Veronica: And all this you’re saying about chat also feeds back into your statement about how most men don’t have people to talk to the way that women do – the chat rooms are just another way to provide that.
Ms Tara: Exactly! They’ve bonded, a lot of our men, no matter what their personal fantasies are, and they’ve come to see us as women and friends.
Ms Veronica: I think much of this, what you’re talking about here – the bonding, the community – is all about pleasure; honoring the pleasures of being human, of which sex is only a part. And goodness knows that real pleasure is one thing that is horribly missing in our culture – that it’s ok to feel good.
Ms Tara: I think you are right, people coming together in new ways now.
Ms Veronica: And the internet is very much a part of that change.
Ms Tara: I really wish the people who revile the sex industry understood more about the nature of our business. Some of our guys are very lonely, isolated. They don’t have another outlet.
Ms Veronica: Well, we’re doing our little part, here in this interview, to enlighten them!
Ms Tara: And I’ve read the same thing in stories about the Nevada brothels. How can it be so wrong to provide people who need it with some caring or warmth or companionship?
Ms Veronica: Yes, I so agree. I wouldn’t be doing this work otherwise.
Ms Tara: I don’t think we charge too much, and I know we deliver top value. PSOs are starting to network and share information, perhaps the industry is beginning to be able to weed out the dreck, thanks to the internet instead of in spite of it. I belong to PSO Divas and the women there are generally very willing to share the truth about this work with new girls.
Ms Veronica: That’s a really interesting thought… and hopefully, true.
Ms Tara: I think so. I mean, I’m sorry that I can’t tell my mom about what I do, but for the most part, I don’t care who else knows. I work for a damn fine company, for an honest and geuinely good person, who believes in her people and treats her clients with honesty. I want to be a professional writer, but this is not a bad second place! LOL
Ms Veronica: LOL – well said!
Ms Veronica: Well, goodness, I know we could go on chatting all night, but we do need to start wrapping this up somewhere, so let me ask you one more question…
Ms Tara: Sure.
Ms Veronica: Earlier, you gave lots of advise to prospective PSO’s – such as listening and not assuming you know what a caller wants. What advice would you give to a man who is thinking about calling for the first time, but hasn’t yet?
Ms Tara: If calling our dispatch line, be honest with the dispatcher about what you are looking for. She has heard it all and wants to match you up with the lady who will suit your fantasies best. If you call directly, or when you reach your lady, be honest with her as well. Be specific – you won’t shock or upset her. And if a call isn’t working for you, and you can’t seem to get in synch, TELL HER. She will understand and refer you to another lady. Never stay on the phone if you aren’t having a good time, neither of you will enjoy the experience.
Ms Veronica: That’s great advice! And again, it’s all about listening and being honest, isnt’ it? On both sides.
Ms Tara: I think so. Heck, I think that’s the key to most relationships! And this is very much a relationship, even if it’s only 10 minutes long.
Ms Veronica: Yes, I was just thinking the same thing, actually – same rules apply. Anything else you’d like to say; any witty parting shots?
Ms Tara: I really love what I do, I can’t imagine another job that gives me the freedom and amusement that this one does. AND, if there are any eccentric millionaires reading this, I’d be even better at my job with a nice new Mac laptop.
Ms Veronica: Uh, make that two, please!
Ms Tara: That’s right, one for me and one for my interviewer! LOL. *smile* This was a lot of fun. Thank you so much!!
Ms Veronica: It was great fun! What a job we have, huh? Really, it was a pleasure chatting with you… and I really appreciated the chance to get to know you a bit better, too.
Ms Tara: Same here. Take care, and we’ll talk again soon!!
Ms Veronica: Definitely. And in the meantime, I’m sure I’ll see you in chat… Thanks very much for your time.
Ms Tara: My pleasure.
Ms Veronica: Have a great night!
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